Guide de survie sociale pour les « non mères » ou autrement dit « les nullipares »

Extrait de Dealing with Social Landmines  Lisa Manterfield

“Do you have kids?  ” What do you say?

The bigger question is: What do you want to say? You may need a couple of speeches on hand, depending on whether you’re responding to a nosey stranger on a bus, someone you could meet again, or someone connected to people you know well. You don’t necessarily need to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Be ready to give as much or as little information as you choose, and don’t feel you have to answer their questions. It’s perfectly okay to say, “I don’t feel like talking about that here,” and then change the subject…just know what you plan to change the subject to.

Something to consider as you craft your elevator speech is that it’s human nature to want to solve problems. If your answer is “No, we tried but it didn’t work out,” you know there’ll be any number of encouraging responses from “Have you considered adoption?” to the story of a friend of a friend who had a miracle baby after years of trying and all because she read 50 Shades of Grey. How you do you dodge this “helpfulness?”

Don’t give people a problem to solve.

If you don’t give people a problem to solve, their helpfulness doesn’t get the chance to kick in.
Here are some examples of problem responses to “Do you have kids?”

“No. It didn’t work out.” “No, sadly not.”
“We tried, but I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.”

Can’t you already hear the “helpful” responses to these? How about using one of these answers instead:

“No. Do you?”
“No, but I’m okay with it, and it means I can now…”
“We’ve decided to travel instead.”
“No. I have 23 cats and three of them are polydactyl.”
“No, but I have three nieces and I love being an auntie. In fact, only last week, I…”

 If you’re feeling uncomfortable diverting the conversation away from the topic of children, remember that most people are just looking to make a connection and find common ground. The majority of people (except perhaps the most obsessive parents) have other topics of interest to talk about. What do you want them to know about you? What can talk about all day? Steer the conversation to your favorite topic and look for a different patch of common ground.

Je ne suis pas sûre que ce soit très « helpful » comme type de réponses car tout dépend à qui on s’adresse mais ça a le mérite d’exister !

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